


Of Ice Cream and Mattress Tags

by Face_Waffles



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3601797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Face_Waffles/pseuds/Face_Waffles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shuuya Kano awakens to find his ice cream stolen! He teams up with Ene and Shintaro on this late-night mission, but who will  get the ice cream when everyone turns against each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Ice Cream and Mattress Tags

**Author's Note:**

> I worked on this story with two other people, neither of which have a an Archive of Our Own account, however Riversound can be found on Fanfiction.net and Ryn has no relations to anything so you won't find her no matter where you look.

Writer Keys:

_Facewaffles (Italic)_

**Ryn (bold)**

Riversound (regular)

_It was late, almost 3 O'clock in the morning, but Kano was up. He was always up._ He fumbled for the lamp, but encountered nothing, instead tumbling out of bed and onto the floor.  _He slowly picked himself up, off the floor. There were tears streaming down his cheeks, but they had nothing to do with his recent rendezvous with the floor._   **His ice cream had been stolen by the evil and dangerous Doctor Kuroha.**   _Worst of all, it was cookie dough ice cream, his favorite. The cold and delicious ice cream was stolen from his fingertips._  With sudden resolve he stood, determined to retrieve his ice cream, whatever the cost.  **He ran out of the room, tripping over randomly strewn electronics. He ran to the phone and called the only other people who would be up at this time. Shintaro, and Ene.**

_He would have woken Seto up to come with, but he was fighting World War Three against the trolls who descended from the sky in spaceships, he missed Seto, but back to the problem at hand; stolen ice cream._

He met up with Shintaro, and Ene in an undisclosed location, and briefed them on the mission.

**"Doctor Kuroha has struck again, we need to stop him!" Kano yelled fist to the air and hand on his heart.**

**"Really, what now? I just saw him, like, a hour ago." Shintaro, annoyed with Kano's weirdness.**

_"You saw him a hour ago?" Kano questioned. Shintaro began stuttering over unintelligible words._

_"I have a video of it!" Ene blurted, with great pleasure. With that Shintaro paled and Kano gained leverage over him for the upcoming mission._   **It was true Kuroha had done something unspeakable. He had ripped the tag off a mattress. Shintaro's mattress. THE HORROR! Shintaro knew he now could never sell his mattress for legal issues, something that would haunt him for the rest of his life.**

_But as stolen ice cream is the problem here, we shall continue with the story. Kano, suppressing the mounting fear from the mattress tag incident he had recently heard, and by definition could be in grave danger from simply hearing it, continued with the plan as if nothing was wrong._

**"Nevermind that. Back to my problems, now." Kano waited a little as Shintaro calmed down.**

**"You guys are so weird, its just a mattress tag." Ene whined from Shintaro's speaker.**

**"Just a mattress tag? JUST A MATTRESS TAG, DO YOU EVEN COMPREHEND THE INCOHERENT SLIME THAT JUST SHOT OUT OF YOUR UNNATURALLY BLUE MOUTH?!" Shintaro shouted in a rabid like state.**

**"Shintaro calm down, she didn't know!" Kano tried reasoning with him.**

_Panting Shintaro just dropped his phone and walked away. Not out of the room he still had a plan to create, but he couldn't take the overwhelming fear, so he naturally avoided conversation. Ene angrily turned back to Kano, mumbling about the foolishness of boys. Carefully Kano approached the situation again._

**"Look, we need to stop this asshat. So lets get our crap together." Kano sent a glare to Ene who threw her arms up in exasperation.**

**"Fine." Shintaro put his spare phone back in his pocket, he had at least ten at all times. "What now? Are we gonna Leeroy Jenkins this?"**

_"No, I have a plan." Kano waited for them to ask him what it was. When no one asked he just began anyway._

_"So first it involves pancakes, and a flame thrower." Shintaro was appalled but Ene was all for it, already looking for sites they could order one from._

**"Flame throwers have absolutely no class, what we really should get is a grenade launcher." Shintaro placed his hands on his hips in the most manly way possible. "I also invented this really cool scissor tosser."**   _Kano made a humph noise and folded his arms in an angry way._

_"Fine," he whined, "I'd like to hear if you got anything better to go off of, considering you're basically his boyfriend" Kano taunted, angry present under his childish front. Ene laughed in agreement. Shintaro paled, yet didn't deny the statement. Kano smirked, he had struck metaphorical Americium._

**"EW, no, just….no, Kuroha is just nasty" Shintaro frowned and paused before continuing. "Well, Ene and I could cause a distraction while you take the ice cream back. I mean it would probably be cheaper than what you're thinking not to mention quicker. You wouldn't want your ice cream to melt." Shintaro smirked as Kano grabbed his chest in anguish.**

_"Why must ships sink?" cried Kano in despair. So out the door they ran. Towards the old teddy bear factory, where Shintaro claimed Kuroha was staying. Bursting through the door Kano saw the largest teddy bear he could imagine. It was triple his height! And who was sitting at the top?_

_"Youkoso waga tainai e!" Kuroha laughed with delight upon seeing Shintaro. Realizing that others were with him his mood quickly dampened. Shintaro was glad that noone else here knew what that meant. Kuroha quickly slid down the bear landing on his feet like a cat._

**"Hey evil doer we are here to deliver the swift fist of justice onto your wicked and distasteful life! My name is Shuuya Kano, you killed my father prepare to die." Kano shouted proudly.**

**"Kano…" Shintaro whispered "He didn't kill your dad, and we're here to get your ice cream not kill him."**

**"Oh, right then." Kano shouted again. "Forget that last part." Ene rolled her eyes, only Shintaro noticed however. Kano was busy facing of against Kuroha, with most obvious death in his face, literally. Kuroha now was in Kano's face, and foaming, but neither of them were saying anything.**

**Finally Kuroha announced, "There is only one way to decide which of us gets the ice cream…...A DANCE BATTLE!"**

**"Ene!" Kano dramatically pointed in her direction. "LMFAO, hit it!"**

**"Really?" She said condescendly. "Fine"**

**The music started blaring out of the surprisingly convenient speakers located all around the factories catwalks. Almost like Kuroha had been planning this his entire life.**

**The two men danced around each other like rabid ballerinas each and a look of absolute rage on their face. With each graceful twirl you could feel the legit and true amount of gangsta radiating off them.**

**About two hours in Shintaro decided he better go get the ice cream because the original plan was just thrown out the window.**

**"Hey, I'm gonna find the ice cream, you keep the music playing. I shouldn't be long." With that Shintaro left on his own little adventure.**

_So down the hallway he walked the music still blaring in the background. Up a flight of stairs the floor pounding with the base of the song, and creepily the limp body of a dead boy. He walked down into the farthest room on the left. Surprisingly there was a window with deep purple curtains._

_Shintaro sighed, "You just don't see curtains made like that anymore." He stepped around the table, and towards the small fridge in the corner. And what did his eyes behold? The cookie dough ice cream! He carefully took it out of the cooler tasting a lick on his way back over to the window, and HOLY CRAP Kano wasn't lying when he said it was the best ice cream ever! Shintaro slipped over to the curtains carefully taking them of the window before heading back downstairs. Oddly enough when he reached the bottom the dead boy was gone. Suddenly he noticed the lack of music coming from the next room over._

**He wandered down the hall and peeked around the corner.**

**Kano and Kuroha were arguing over the next song album to play, for the two had danced to all of the LMFAO albums.**

**"NO! The Jonas brothers have no dance quality whatsoever. One direction on the other hand has a beat! A british one too!" Kano yelled angrily.**

**"Are you kidding me!?" Kuroha screamed.**

**Shintaro decided it would be best to leave, he never seen a factory full of so much random crap. He walked around the empty halls, once he noticed a small animal following him down the labyrinth like halls.**

**He felt lost.**

_With the lack of music coming from the large room it was quite easy for him to lose his way. No way to travel back he didn't even remember how many turns he had made let alone in which direction. So he just continued forward as if he knew exactly where he was going. Daintily finishing off the ice cream, he wiped his hands on his pants. Not that there was anything on his hands to begin with, he ate like an English gentleman. Another left...Or was it right? He could barely think straight anymore. He came across a back stairway, deciding he could get anymore lost then he already was he just went right up the stairs._

**He stopped.**

**"Oh crap." He moaned staring at the empty ice cream container in his hands.**

**Two problems; one, he was going to have to work his butt off to work off all those calories (you think this hot bod didn't take any work?) and two, this was Kano's ice cream. the reason that they had come here.**

**"SHINTARO." A loud booming voice sounded over head, it almost gave Shintaro a heart attack. "SHINTARO. YOU HAVE FINALLY DISCOVERED YOUR TRUE SELF."**

**"What does that even mean?! Who are you!?" Shintaro yelled to the sky.**

**"SHINTARO, I AM YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU YOUR DESTINY HAS BEEN FULFILLED. YOU WERE ALWAYS BORN TO BE THE GREATEST." The anonymous voice spoke in his deep chocolatey voice.**

**"The greatest what?!" Shintaro yelled over the mysterious wind that started picking up around him.**

**"YOU WERE BORN TO BE AN EVIL AND BITTER GENIUS. DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME." The voices echo was breezed away with the wind.**

**Shintaro decided that he was going to go to the hospital after all this was over.**   
_Once the wind stopped he could hear the slight blaring of music and the floor was vibrating of the bass. They must have agreed on a song finally. Unfortunately it had to be Wrecking Ball. Neither of them had any class whatsoever. He continued on still worrying for his mental health. Soon he made it to the attic of this large factory. He sat down on the floor, exhausted. That long climb up all the stairs should have worked off the ice cream, right? Sitting on the floor he noticed an elevator. He angrily stood up and walked into the next room over._

_A FREAKING ELEVATOR?! AFTER ALL THOSE STAIRS?! WHERE WAS HIS SPIRIT GUIDE NOW, HUH? This is the experience that converted him. With anger fueling him, he set out to fulfill his Spirit Guide's plan for him. He was going to be the most evil, and bitter genius in the_

_whole_

_freaking_

_world_

_…._

**Shintaro came to realize that this was the spirit guide's plan all along.**

**He finally found the big open room with the giant teddy bear in the middle. Kano and Kuroha were panting now. Shintaro knew they couldn't last much longer.**

**He watched from a distance as the two's dances began to slow, they started to slump forward then crumpled into a heap on each other.**

**Shintaro had an idea.**

**"This *huff* is a tie" Kano puffed out air like a steam engine.**

**"Yeah" Kuroha rolled off of Kano then saw something moving in the dark shadow, something smaller than usual. "Do you see that?"**

**"Huh?" Kano followed Kuroha's gaze to the dark corner.**

**Then like a snake Shintaro stepped out of the darkness.**

**Ene quickly switched the music to the jaws theme and watched eagerly.**

_Shintaro slithered across the room creepily, enjoying the look of confusion the two were giving him. He made it to the center of the room and a prestigious light crew dimmed everything but the spotlight on Shintaro. His creepy laugh vibrated through the room. Having not said anything worthwhile, Kano and kuroha were getting anxious. Neither had an attention span for whatever stunt Shintaro was about to pull._

**Shintaro decided it would be best not to say anything at all he walked forward and placed his foot on Kano's chest.**

**"Shintaro wha-" Shintaro brought a finger to his face and shushed him.**

**Shintaro then brought out the ice cream container now empty.**

**Kuroha and Kano both gasped, both of their eyes began watering.**

**"Shintaro! I never knew you were so evil." Kuroha began wiping the tears from his eyes like a proud father.**

**Shintaro dropped the container on Kano's face then turned to Kuroha.**

**"Your evil lair sucks." And with that Shintaro walked out the front door like a boss.**

**Ene turned on Smooth criminal and hopped into one of his back up phones.**

**"...What just happened?"Kano said through tears.**

_"...life happened…." muttered Kuroha thinking._

_"What?" Replied Kano absentmindedly._

_"We need to get him back for the pain he has put us through…"_

_"We should steal his ice-cream." Said Kano viciously._

_"Ummm, he already ate the ice-cream…." Kuroha reasoned._

_"Oh, um… Lets destroy all his phones, and... and computers!" Kano stood ready for the next adventure._   
_"Lets do this..." Shouted Kuroha anxiously.._

_And so they began running once outside the teddy bear factory blew up in the background as Kano and Kuroha did a badass slow motion walk across the street._

***********TO BE CONTINUED?**********


End file.
